Day 103

Holy Cow. I'm into the one hundreds!! I miss writing every day.

I had a little celebration of discovering sugar-free ice cream tonight. Chocolate chip mint -- yummy! I may have eaten a bit too much, but I don't feel stuffed. It feels good to eat a treat like that without the sugar hangover and bloated experience.

I have finally found time on this trip to read Geneen Roth's Women, Food, and God. I would recommend this book above all others for anyone with compulsive eating issues. She speaks to our souls. It's not about the food, it's about being with ourselves, no matter how painful. That is the true connection we crave, that is the blessed freedom, that is the joy beyond anything we can imagine. Staying with myself, experiencing whatever feeling comes along, embracing it rather than trying to escape or distance myself with food -- that is what I want. That leads me into a fully alive and present life. That is what takes me to ecstasy, as Geneen says.

What a great start to the New Year!

Day 90

Wow, I almost missed posting on my 90th day! I hope I remember 10 days from now when I will be in California with family.

It is tempting to be less than honest. The truth is, I am nibbling a bit after 8pm. Especially when I pet sit at other people's homes. I am curious about that -- what does it tell me about my beliefs about life that I need to taste a little from other people's food. And then I can relax. It must be something related to getting diabetes, and believing that I had to "grab" forbidden food when I could because I certainly couldn't at home in front of my parents.

I did have an interesting moment the other night when I wanted to eat. I just sat with it and observed the feeling instead. It is empowering to know I don't have to give in to those habitual thoughts.

Day 84

I am doing great with my 8pm curfew. After switching my addiction from sugar to nuts, and eating almost a whole jar of Costco mixed nuts (what, about 80,000 calories?!) last week, I had a good talk with my friend Linda, the proponent of "The Curfew." And I am choosing to look at my evening curfew as a pathway to freedom. So I look forward to 8pm as the moment when I get to give my body a rest for the next 12 hours. Time to digest food, empty out, replenish and regenerate while I sleep. This choice we have to look at any situation with a perspective of our own choosing is truly the only thing we really have control over, I believe. And what a magnificent choice that is!!

Day 79

I am so incredibly busy pet sitting and dog walking. It feels great. One challenge, though. The overnights are fun but I seem to eat late. Last night it was nuts. My friend said I have to have a curfew. I've tried it before, with some good results. I need to stop eating by 8pm and then just experience the feelings. I am taking my journal to the dogs' house tonight so I can try to discover what is going on when I want to eat late at night. It has been a sporadic pattern for a very long time. Time to uncover what is going on and change the habit of reaching for food to obliterate feelings or thoughts. One night at a time. . .

Day 77

I have to write on my favorite double seven number! The other day I tasted a couple flavors of frozen yogurt. The sweetness of the bites was quite an affirmation of how sensitized I have become to sugar. I used to pile toppings on the yogurt to satisfy my sweet tooth. Now, two bites is sufficiently satisfying.

I also think the degree of my commitment to a year without sugar is apparent in emotional issues I am dealing with without getting into sweets. My darling mouse fell off my shoulder and now can't move her back legs. Yet, in spite of feeling horrible, sad, and guilty, I'm not taking it out in sugar or any food, actually. That is quite an achievement for me. (And, I am holding forth thoughts of healing for her instead of eating to dull the pain.)

Day 74

I had two great nights in a row, then a little extra eating last night after a disturbing phone call. Tonight I am going to eat a healthy, yummy dinner, and recommit to no more eating until morning. What my body needs right now is a good night's sleep. I heard that we human beings crave 4 things: food, water, sleep, and sex. And we have to be careful not to get confused about what we are craving. Food is a dominant one for me; it needs to settle down into its place. Stay in balance!

Day 72

I made it through the night! I woke up once or twice and had a couple slices of sweet potato. But nothing else. This was a victory, breaking a habit that had quickly developed over emotional disturbances. If I wake up tonight and want to overeat again, I once again commit to calling a friend. Good night!