Day 10

Yesterday one of my pet doves flew out the door accidentally. I was, and still am, devastated. I also lost another dearly beloved dove a few months ago, and my grief was compounded yesterday. I feel terrible, and responsible for his life and safety. I also feel so bad for his mate, who is sitting in their nest all by herself now.

With all of these disturbing feelings, I want to console myself with food. And yet here I sit, feeling hungry. I overate a bit last night, and wanted to tonight, but something strong arose within me and said no. I am very thankful. My friend Linda doesn't eat after 7pm; tonight I adopted that because I knew I didn't need any more food. If I ate, it would just be an emotional eating episode which does my body and my diabetes no good.

I ate a healthy dessert from the vegetarian store Down To Earth today. I was craving something sweet and my blood sugar was low. So I think I made a good choice. When I go to bed right after posting this, I will eat a delicious, sweet Fuji apple and pray for my bird's protection and safe return home. Whenever I caught myself worrying today, I turned my thoughts around into positive energy calling my bird home.

This is a long post, but I have to say one more thing. I am starting to obsess about my weight. I keep feeling my cheeks to see if they are getting thinner. And my stomach too. I have been eating more food than I need, so I'm scared it's showing up on my body. I really want to lose about 20 more pounds. But -- it is not healthy to obsess about my weight, so I am making a commitment to stop looking in the mirror or touching my body for weight gain. I'm perfectly okay right now. Good night!